Friday the 13th
Runtime: 1 hr 37 min
MPAA Rating: R
Director: Marcus Nispel
Starring: Jared Padalecki, Amanda Righetti, Danielle Panabaker, Jonathan Sadowski, Travis Van Winkle, Aaron Yoo, Derek Mears, Arlen Escarpeta, Juliana Guill, Ben Feldman
The slasher genre is dead.
Review by: EvilWolfie
Added: 7 years ago
Honestly people. The slasher genre is dead. Still I decided to sit through the Friday The 13th remake and still nothing has changed whatsoever. Most of all, it's still not scary. This is because there's no human element. Mindless killing machines are not scary because they don't exist, and even if they did, they wouldn't be preoccupied with keeping face ware handy. In fact, the mask makes it that much worse because you can't even get a facial expression out of the deal. How does Jason feel about massacring horny teenagers? He doesn't! Sure he throws fits of rage at seemingly random times because he's still pissed about his mother getting her head lopped off, but seeing Jason flail his arms around and kick things just isn't very convincing.
And because this is a slasher flick that is dedicated to playing out like a slasher flick does you already know that 1: There will be no storyline to speak of. Just people frantically running around. 2: By the end it's likely that all the interesting characters will have been killed off 45 minutes to an hour and a half ago. And 3: There will be left the possibility of a sequel. God knows people will pay to see the same movie again and again. I just did (well, not technically).
Besides the same old shit I usually rant about, this movie offers up some new things. It's clear that money was spent making this. The cinematography is awesome. It seems, though, that so much time was spent on getting the perfect lighting that the filmmakers overlooked a few things. Like the fact that Jason can somehow kill a guy on the ground and get up onto the roof of a house 30 meters away in just 5 seconds. Or that Jason can come back to life under water, swim to the bottom of the lake, grab his mask and swim back up just to burst through the dock in a cheap scare attempt, within even less time. Why does he even go back to get his mask? Why do I care if any of this makes sense? I don't know!
The best parts of Friday The 13th are when nobody is being killed and the pseudo-stereotype characters are left to banter with one another. These spots are charming and even clever. But it isn't too long before Jason shows up and crashes the party.
Friday The 13th is a movie you've already seen. The difference is that the actors can act, the best character is killed off within the first 10 minutes and the motive behind Jason's killing spree is to protect his precious marijuana grow op.