Transformers - Revenge of the Fallen
Genre: Sci-Fi & Fantasy
Runtime: 2 hr 21 min
MPAA Rating: PG-13
Director: Michael Bay
Starring: Shia LeBeouf, Megan Fox, Josh Duhamel
Made me hate cinema for a few hours.
Review by: MiamiMovieCritic
Added: 7 years ago
Michael Bay's $200 million follow-up to his 2007 hit is many things: long, loud, bloated, incoherent and culturally insensitive (just to name a few). But what finally does it in is a jarringly serious tone mixed with enough juvenile behavior to fill up a whole Saturday morning's worth of cartoons.
Once again the godlike voice of Optimus Prime (veteran voice actor Peter Cullen) informs us that the Transformers come from the planet Cybertron, and the planet is divided into Autobots (the good guys) and Decepticons (the bad guys). This backstory is ridiculous on its face (a planet of robots?), but with Cullen's delivery you'd think we were hearing about the Iliad or the parting of the Red Sea. We then rejoin Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBeouf), the human hero of the first film, as he goes off to Princeton, leaving behind the best toy in this series: Megan Fox. At school, Sam will be seduced by a coed who's actually a Decepticon, and will try to unlock a riddle that will be central to the plot, but which I still don't understand. The important thing is: a whole lot of robot butt gets kicked.
But there's more: a ground-level view of robot balls; fart jokes; dogs humping people; Sam's mom on dope; a pair of jive-talking robot twins whose racism wouldn't be out of place in Griffith's Birth of a Nation; and so on... The movie isn't made for 8 year-olds; it's made to warp the minds of 8 year-olds.
I've never been a fan of Michael Bay movies, but he's hit a new low with Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. He's developed a side career in recent years as a producer of American schlock horror remakes like The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Friday the 13th, and this new film is in that same sadistic vein. There's no humanity in it; just lots of sound and fury, signifying nothing. Believe it or not, but this made me hate cinema for a few hours.